Being Alone

I’ts been a really weird few months.. I am building 2 houses, about to finally do my wedding party after it was prostponed because the covid fuckery, my grandma died 2 days ago, and I run a multi million $ company (i guess).

I still manage to surf every day and that keeps me sane, but i’ve been on the edge mentally when dealing with other people, mostly lost interest in regular people and their issues, but the worst thing is that I lost my creativity.

Up until 16 months ago I was semi retired and thought I achieved most of my life goals, my day consisted of training/surfing in the mornings, eating healthy, resting and coding random fun projects during the evenings with no expectations.

With one of these projects taking off everything changed. It was never by design but my life changed 180 degrees from one day to the other.

the past 16 months have been unforgettable, i finally found a good partner to launch projects with, we made some money, had a ton of fun and learned a lot of new things.

but I also spent 90% of my time on the project, started to want more money for some reason (before i was content with what i had), cared more about the “industry”/ego/gossip, and did a lot less resting.

As the year progressed I got into the idea of “pushing myself”, so I decided to finish all other projects that I ever had in mind, so I decided to remodel (really re-build) my own house and build a house for my father, as well as bought more property and that added more random projects.

But actually i’ve been the most un-calm i remember myself ever being, when I try to pin point where the source of the this pain comes from it comes from not being alone enough, now people need from me things, they have expectations and I have a weird drive to “succeed” more, but actually all I ever wanted was to have enough resources to be left alone.

I decided to block twitter from my internet and stop caring about what people think or need from me, I will continue taking some time off and focus on my own stuff hoping for creativity to hit back so I can create internet magic again.